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Astroboy 🌈

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​I always wanted a son  I prayed so hard for him  He’s all I ever wanted  And his dad My husband  My mom told me to pray for the things I want, she also told me that in life in order to have the things you want you have to make sacrifices…. When I met my first I was hoping he would be my last. I gave him everything in hopes that it would make him love me more (if he even loved me at all), I prayed for my son with him and he never came. If he tried to, I’m sure Tyrell beat him out of me.  So after YEARS of wondering if I could even get pregnant… I finally conceived. With my ex… Devion and I rushed it a bit but I was sure we would make it. Until he strangled me. I lost the baby. I cried. We tried again. I’ll never forget the OBGYN and what she told me. She told me that just because I’m pregnant doesn’t make it any better it actually makes it worse. She was right. He left me again. I was so sure he was gonna make it And now all I can think about is him. What would ...
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Lost My Mind

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I was so sure  I knew it all I didn't It was what I wanted Not what God did So  I got hurt I lost I had to give up things I had to let myself Cry Let pieces of myself Die  Let that state of mind Die I felt scared Unsure Lost Then I started over God spoke I heard I listened  I learned  I conquered  I won Life is a process It's a consistent Mission Of improvement Salvation Is a constant work  Until we pass It is permitted for A man to die once And then comes  Judgement I would rather Suffer For His sake Because He died for me I might never be famous  But at least  I ain't broken Because I know Him I have Him I'll be alright At the end of the day I'm glad  I lost my mind 
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Antisocial Butterfly 🦋

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I have social anxiety  I don't like being in  Large crowds  I don't like large gatherings I barely like to go put There's too many  Distractions Too many energies  Too much chaos I used to be a hostess Promoting parties  Was my thing But after years Of being so giving To others  I became a shell Of myself  I started to lose Who I thought I was Once I tasted solitude  Was when I could Hear God  I finally started  Reading the Word And  Seeing  The truth When I'm alone  It's peaceful  It's where I can see clearly  Alone  Is where I often  Find Peace  That's why I don't like big crowds  Two or three is cool But just me is Better 
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Being Strong Is Hard....

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Growing up   I thought my mom was tripping  when she told me  I needed to take my rose colored glasses off. I always figured that every person had a little good in them. I quickly found out   That wasn't true   When I was in school I never fit in I didn't go to prom or many of the dances   I couldn't afford the latest shoes or clothes I didn't have a boyfriend   Hell, I barely had friends   I didn't have a car or was allowed to drive my parents car. I wasn't popular I often got made fun of for everything   I graduated high school && went right back to school  Just to go through the Same shit   I'm strong So I cried when I was alone I hid all my issues For fear of judgements   For fear of being made fun of Like in school I tried to look tough  Or Mean   As a defense mechanism   I took all the L's   I spent all my time Tryna help others   Just to end up alone   After all those years ...
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Understand...

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It's a few things I need for yall to understand  I'm not crazy I was abused I'm not shy I'm protecting myself  I'm not bitter I'm speaking my truth I'm not hanging onto the past I've been damaged  I'm not delusional  I lived a nightmare  I'm most definitely  Not weak  I WAS TRUSTING I wasn't giving up... I  was healing I'm still... HEALING 
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I Wish I Never

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Have you ever seen or met someone  And you find yourself  with them co nstantly in your mind? Everything seems all good The vibe is there It's almost blissful  Almost too good to be true  Then, all of a sudden  Seemingly out of nowhere  Things go sour Or they just  Disappear  What comes to your mind? Let me tell yall what comes to mine To that guy I wish I never saw you  I say that Because, if I never saw you I would've never had  The chance to look at you To see your face  To look into your eyes I would've never  Had the chance  To hear your laugh 😃  Or see your smile  I would've never been  blessed to see you in your element ✨️  I simply would've  Never had you on my mind Ever  And when I was at the point  Where I wanted to stop caring for you  That's what I would say I wish I never saw you Still to this day I consistently say I wish I never saw you 😔 
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You Think You Know....

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I'm often misunderstood.... A lot of people don't bother to try to understand me. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes love... true love.  This is why I pray  I know I look crazy I know I look overly emotional  I know I look pretty  Like I don't have no issues  But, I do. I fall into sin I read The Word I meditate on it I put what I read into practice  None of that matters though... With time I'VE LEARNED  You just gotta  Put on your game face  And keep it pushin  You can't show them you're hurting  You can't show anyone  You can't lose it Not in front of other people  You gotta keep it to yourself  Cry alone  Grind alone  Most oftentimes  I've found myself  And CAN HEAR GOD  LOUDEST  when I'm by myself... It's okay to be by yourself  Learn how to be more comfortable Alone You came in alone  You're leaving alone  Learn how to be cool with  Being alone 😔 
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