Astroboy 🌈

​I always wanted a son 

I prayed so hard for him 

He’s all I ever wanted 

And his dad

My husband 

My mom told me to pray for the things I want, she also told me that in life in order to have the things you want you have to make sacrifices….

When I met my first I was hoping he would be my last. I gave him everything in hopes that it would make him love me more (if he even loved me at all), I prayed for my son with him and he never came. If he tried to, I’m sure Tyrell beat him out of me. 

So after YEARS of wondering if I could even get pregnant… I finally conceived. With my ex…

Devion and I rushed it a bit but I was sure we would make it. Until he strangled me.

I lost the baby.

I cried.

We tried again.

I’ll never forget the OBGYN and what she told me.

She told me that just because I’m pregnant doesn’t make it any better it actually makes it worse.

She was right.

He left me again.

I was so sure he was gonna make it

And now all I can think about is him.

What would he look like?

What about his hair?

How tall would he be?

What about his smile?

His laugh?

The tiny little baby cries…

I miss him

I never got to see him

Not even on the ultrasound.

My first scan. And no baby.

The hormones hadn’t fully left my system

The Dr was so cold

There’s no baby, you’re not pregnant 

It hurt

I cried

Now here I am 3 years later and I’m still thinking about my little Astro. Where’d he go? Is he coming to me in this life?

To my little Astro kid. I hope you’re having fun floating around up there in the stars. I wish you would let me see your face in the dreams I have about you. I wish you were here. At least I’d have you. My tiny little star. Maybe one day I’ll get to hold you and kiss you and tell you how much I wanted you and how happy I am to have you here.

I hope to see you soon

Love mom